I'm tired of everyone thinking they are so uniquely original.  Guess what? No you're not the first person to have ever thought that.  I'm tired of all the "talking points" I could be rich from all the times I've heard all of the vile things I don't even feel like repeating.  I'm tired of crappy customer service and people treating me like I'm five.

Oh well.  I figured out that I swim in deep water.  This made me laugh and feel sad for how dumb people are sometimes (I guess dumb is a harsh word...shallow?...)

person's facebook status who will not be named: "everything will work out in the end"
anonymous replier: "OMGgggg you have no idea how much I needed to hear that!!!11" (I may have exaggerated slightly but the words are still the same) I'm glad that helped her out so much, but I couldn't help but picture myself saying:

"you are a human being, you are alive right now and life is good if you choose for it to be"
" Oh. My. Gosh.  You are an inspiration to us all right now, what would we ever do without your wisdom?!?!"

Anyway, I felt like being negative even though I am in a really good mood, just needed to spew that out a little.

remember when things happened yesterday but it feels like ages ago, or when years ago feels like yesterday?
I’ve been doing a lot of remembering.  (respect the instrospect)
I’ve learned a lot, cried a lot, laughed a lot.  I really hope I’ve made a difference somewhere or to someone (positively).  I guess we all hope that really.
I was thinking about the summer; last summer and a little beyond.  Abraham Lincoln became my best friend for hours at a time with the sun kissing my skin, and my arms falling asleep under the weight of words before I could turn the page.  That place became my sanctuary.
It started out slow.  I found people I thought I had lost and met new ones as well.  5.10 was my goal; at a certain point I became to afraid to keep pushing myself.  I found a passion there for a while, climbing those rocks.
Of course I met some boys and dated some boys.  I think you don’t really know something about yourself until you see it through someone else.  I definitely learned a lot about myself.  Each time I was a stepping stone for something even greater (or at least I presume) and I feel so happy about that.
Those nights looking at the stars gave me clarity.  Other times I was misguided and confused, more or less at a loss.  But I see now and love every minute.
Then August grew cold.  As did I.  I learned to quit making plans too far ahead.  I tried to escape through sad-sack-indie-music, dissing all that was “too mainstream”
I found “single-serving” (fight club reference) friendships (and love) again and let myself get carried away.
I have always been a real sucker for forehead kisses and odd-ball humor.
I learned that my beauty doesn’t depend on my hair or my makeup.  (Though it can certainly help).  I quit relying on others’ opinions of my psychological health.
On Elizabethtown the main character says he collects “last looks.” I feel I do the same, but instead of looks they are more like change-begetting moments that I sense. In the earthquake of my life, the peaks on the seismograph.
Sense is emotion for me.  Life is so beautiful I get distracted trying to take every detail in sometimes.  I will forever look for the unicorns in the clouds; listen to the wind’s whisperings; and feel whatever I sense.
I am so happy I am (becoming) me.  I am. I am. I am.

YESSSS!!!! I am learning the Korean alphabet, just in case anybody was wondering.  I cried when I walked in the door with a frozen custard in my hands and my dad said, "another ice cream?! isn't that your second or third one in the last two days?!"  Um yeah dad I am trying to get really fat so they can all tell me how fat I've gotten.  Yep.  But I got over it really fast.  That's the thing, I always do.  I hate the times when I write about it in the moment because in the moment I am clouded by everything else and all I see is the negativity and how crappy my life feels all the time--except it doesn't feel that way all the time.  Of course.  There is a lot of hate and drama going on around me right now and really just emotional poison and I think that is ultimately my hard lot in life--fighting the emotional poison, and really just overcoming my self-sabotaging tendencies.  Everything seems to make perfect sense when I talk to Him;  I just love that.

OH my gosh I don't think I ever want to make cake pops again.  I just ruined a whole bag of candy melts by pouring milk into it in attempt to thin it a bit.  hahaha wow I'm stupid sometimes.  Oh well at least it has been a semi-entertaining experience.  I got a couple of sketch books today at Michael's because they were buy-one-get-one-free (can I get an 'awesome!'?) and I just had this creative stroke of genius at about five a.m. this morning that I am going to multi-media/watercolor/acrylic/newspaper/mod-podge/etc./etc./etc. those babies and then use them as journals on my mission.  For some reason I feel more inspired to write when I am doing it on something cool rather than a boring white background.  Anywho those are my thoughts.

anyone know a good cure for a bad mood?

The Big Race

Every once in a while if I am paying attention I can see the plan in everything.  We all need each other.  Desperately.  Part of the problem is that most of us don't really know what we're doing; we're just trying to make it a little bit better than our parents; trying to survive.  I think most of us are scared.  Scared we won't be able to keep up; scared we'll fall behind.  The meaning of life in my opinion is to make a difference in somebody else's life.  There is no sense in allowing yourself to feel hurt by a petty comment or a remark that was not thought out, or even one that was meant to incite hurt.  It isn't worth it.  I say throw yourself into life at full speed.  It wasn't meant to be perfect.  Look at each experience as an opportunity to learn; an opportunity to grow.  Make a goal to try something new every day, no matter how small.  Make a goal to make someone feel special.  Even better if they don't know it was you.  I don't have it all figured out, but I feel I've found the important stuff--the building blocks.  Now I just need to get better at implementing it.  I just hope I can make a difference in someone's life.  I hope people can see that I really do care. 

George Clooney

Modern family always make me laugh.