Boatloads of shame/better daughter/son

Life is good and life is great but also difficult. That's a given I know. I'm just annoyed because I know I'm not doing anything bad or weird or too terribly awkward, I'm attractive, I have social skills, I'm funny, interesting, etc. yet most days I wake up with this ache in my gut and chest filling me with shame and regret and guilt. I can't quite quantify it, but I feel like it happens every time I have any sort of social interaction. I don't dwell on dumb things I said like I used to. I rationalize with myself about how people are too focused on themselves anyway to worry about something I may or may not have said or acted like. Yet this feeling still persists. I think this is depression but I keep going. I can't let it engulf me again because it's a lot easier (but not less painful necessarily) to fight and keep your head above water than to succumb to it - it's a lot more painful to make that journey back out from my experience. 

I keep listening to the Rilo Kiley song called Better Daughter/Son. This line gets me "and sometimes when you're on, you're really f***ing on, and your friends they sing along and they love you, but the lows are so extreme that the good seems f***ing cheap, and it teases you for weeks in its absence. But you'll fight, and you'll make it through you'll fake it if you have to and you'll show up for work with a smile

You'll be better you'll be smarter And more grown up and a better daughter

Or son and a real good friend

You'll be awake and you'll be alert

You'll be positive though it hurts

And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends

You'll be a real good listener

You'll be honest, you'll be brave

You'll be handsome, you'll be beautiful

You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in

You're weak but not giving in

To the cries and the wails of the valley below

Your ship may be coming in

You're weak but not giving in

And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...