I wish my name was clementine

I am on a new quest.  Well it's not really new, but I am determined now.  A quest to learn to love myself, to find self-worth, to be my own best friend, and to overcome my PTSD and anxiety.  I've had a lot of humbling experiences lately and am realizing I need to learn how to forgive myself and stop beating myself up.  To say it is difficult would be a vast understatement.  I guess I just want to feel supported without getting scared and pushing it away. 

Elizabethtown

All time favorite movie.  Being held the way I want to be held while listening to this song while watching this movie. I'm okay with that.  Even if that's all that is going to come of it.  I will be okay with it.

Your thoughts begin to bleed

 I never really comprehended or experienced the kind of joy that overwhelms the emotions and body to the point of tears until the last couple of months.  I remember glimpses from my younger years, but they have become more expansive on the spectrum of human emotion.  They wanted to put me on mood stabilizers once...no, nobody who could actually prescribe it to me, only those who thought they could tell me what I needed, but they were wrong.  It sounds so cliche but I have never really fit in, no matter how hard I tried.  I didn't seem happy for a number of reasons but looking back the biggest one was due to the fact that I wasn't true to myself around those people I tried fitting in with.  It still happens and when it does I realize I am much happier alone.  I've tried analyzing what I must be doing wrong to not win friends but I could never seem to come up with an answer that put me doing something any worse than other people I saw who seemed to have no problem making and keeping friends.  I'm not going to a singles ward anymore, at least for a while.  A few people asked if it was because I was getting married.  I had to suppress a laugh.
There are others like me.  I run across them from time to time. I  feel happy knowing I am not the only one.