Yikes I have not been this busy or stressed since the mission. But it's good.  Life is good.  It's just flying by and that is what scares me.  Good things are happening but I am still a little afraid.  I desperately need to learn how to budget.  I need to remember to take my breaks at work and to go to sleep earlier.  Getting off at nine just leaves me so wired and wanting to stay up late to make up for the time I was at work.  Bad idea.  I really really am fine not dating right now.  It's kind of weird.  Like I go on dates and have fun and stuff, but I don't really care too much if they call me again.  But of course that will probably change.  I'm going to see Moonrise Kingdom tomorrow finally and I can't freaking wait. 

anxiety

I haven't had anxiety dreams in a while.  But this morning was a doozy.  I almost didn't wake up in time to go to the gym.  First I found out I was pregnant, heaven knows how... and my first thought in the dream is well I guess I am going to have to be better at taking my prenatal vitamins now... then I was at work and I messed something up and my boss was being a jerk and told me I wasn't going to get to keep my promotion because I was so stupid.  I almost started crying and kept telling her it was an accident and it would never happen again. (my boss isn't even a girl)  Ugh I'm glad neither of those things really happened. Also I realized a common factor in my relationships I think...I keep getting dumped because I seem to no longer be interested in them, or I am not 'reciprocating' or at least that's what they tell me.  Oh well.

i swear everyone i know is pregnant.  My good news? Job promotion plus eating healthy and working out is finally paying off. I could even go get back on the wii fit and it wouldn't yell at me for gaining weight because I have officially lost 20 pounds since they tested my thyroid in korea!  So even though my relationships keep getting shorter to the point where I'm not even going to get a second date anymore, at least I have a slammin' body now. 

Oh what I wouldn't do if I had you babe...

Yeah I am on chick flick, sappy romantic blah overload.  I am dying.  But I got the stuck cd out of my laptop, yay!  #firstworldproblemsamirite??!!


Ok that was stupid.  Let's just put it this way.  I am really happy with myself right now.  Confidence is no longer something I feel like I have to stretch for.  I am content on my own.  I am learning how to be my own best friend.  I want to dance. 

That is all.

I just have a lot of feelings okay?

Like the Hunger Games, and I can't even.  It's just... eunnhhhh.  I'm like 37% finished and already I can feel the book boyfriend depression coming on and the pit of despair that follows such horrible amazing gloriousness.
Like how I have to eat, but stress stomach + food = poison and lots of sickness and me in a bad mood but less light-headed, I guess?
Like how all I do is work but I am running out of tv shows to watch on hulu and I have no food or time to go grocery shopping so I have been subsisting on vitamins mostly (my life is so hardddd.......)
I can't talk to my parents anymore about my feelings. 
I have to go punch dance out my rage in a forest now.  Like Kevin Bacon.  In case you didn't get that reference...go watch Footloose.  Either one will do really. 
And I've been having a Matthew McCoijioeajaoifjiejh ...na hey... marathon with my roommate over the last several nights.  Yes I like things after their time...

Ok fine, I started reading the Hunger Games and I don't ever want to stop.  I'm crying.  And I like One Direction.  That is all.  Oh and obsessing over Solomon Burke right neow.  And I didn't mind the new Footloose, actually quite liked it.  And, and, I've been sleeping like 12 hours a day because my room doesn't get light and I am pretty sure I don't have an internal clock.  I never claimed to be normal.

Singles Ward

I didn't want to go to church.  Ever again. Then my roommate manipulates me into going and I sit by the guy she wants to talk to since she hesitated a little.  So I break the ice at first and then make up an excuse that I need to get a drink so I tell her to scoot next to him so I won't have to climb over her when I come back.  Really I wanted her to sit by him in the first place and it works because he asks her out.  Then I talk to everybody except for the guy I wanted to talk to.  Right when I am about to say something to him, mr. ward missionary comes up to me and gives me and awkward side hug.  Ugh.  Then fast forward to sunday school and I'm commenting every 5 minutes because I know what it feels like to be a teacher and not have people participate  and then my phone decides to start saying the chapter, {deep man voice} "chapter 36, families can be eternal..." I frantically jab at the screen, almost cursing, lamenting the fact that I just had to get an iphone.  Then in classic Amanda fashion I creepily lean in and ask him what his name is after class is over as we are putting up chairs.  And that was that.  And now I can't stop thinking about him.  The unrealistically attractive boy with the talent.