it's embarrassing how transparent I am. When someone points out the "love in your eyes" it is terrifying. I want to be invisible. As soon as I start thinking of how I would feel if it doesn't work out, I'm absolutely terrified. That's all there is to it. The idea put in my head from that one phrase, "maybe you're too eager" The problem is, that's who I am. Not just in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but every relationship; too eager to please, to drop everything to help them, but what do I get in return? I don't know how to be different. I learned from my mom I guess who does everything for my dad and then some, despite him treating her like dirt most of the time.
Yeah I drove him to Lowe's to get something to break into his car with since he locked his keys in there, but I would have done that for anyone. It's driving me nuts, with every other guy I was so oblivious and most times, aloof, usually not realizing they liked me until it was too late or at least until the stage when I wasn't the one freaking out about whether or not they liked me. But this time is different. I just want to skip ahead to the part where I don't have to worry if he is going to suddenly stop liking me and marry that other girl. I would be lying to say that didn't bother me, until now anyway it didn't, I don't think, but it hit me hard today. So I want it to work out, but that other part of me keeps yelling "run away" because I can't handle another heart break, I really don't think I can.
It doesn't help that seemingly everyone around me is in a relationship and the people at work who set me up are always probing me for details and gasping when he walks by.
dude!! i want details!!!
ReplyDelete