blogs, facebook, the like. It's all just one big, "LOOK AT ME!" Everyone seeking that validation they never really got, or maybe the constant praise from their mother just wasn't enough. Sure, I'm guilty of it from time to time (why yes, I wanted to be part of the 'popular blogger' crowd). But are we really all THAT insecure? I suppose these things would not have arisen had the necessity lacked. To the person who started the first 'fashion blog' we worship you and all scream in unison, 'compliment me! tell me I'm beautiful! or I might die! (my parents were mean to me)' all the while posting song lyrics for titles, proclaiming our own little angsty, tragic experiences, hoping somebody, anybody, will notice.
Everyone wants to be different, everyone thinks they are so different from everyone else. But they are not. We are all, deep down (some closer to the surface than others) the most insecure of all creatures. Shy to the core. Scared. Scared that we won't be good enough. Scared that people won't like us. Yet we torture ourselves. We all secretly want people to praise our every move, outfit, experience, joke, etc. But, heaven forbid, someone gives us negative feedback it becomes a virus; we dwell on it. Rather than accepting it, we avoid. And in extreme cases, become disordered. (It is an epidemic, but this is what makes my future career such a promising prospect)
Self-esteem might be part of the problem. Not the actual concept, but the connotation of the term itself. Mainstream American culture touts the concept of self-esteem so highly, but is it really as good of a thing as everyone likes to say? Are we instead hurting our children by cushioning them from anything that might hurt them? (my answer, YES!) Now everything is all about fairness and feeling good about ourselves. Kids don't win or lose anymore because that might make them feel bad (heaven forbid they actually learn something from losing a soccer game) instead, we give them participation trophies and then they go home to their mother who tells them they are the most wonderful child in the world and all is well. Or is it?
To train a child to believe he won't fail, that he can do no wrong and that nothing bad will ever happen, is an injustice. It is akin to transplanting a hothouse flower outside. It shrivels up and dies. The perfect conditions in the hothouse were what led to its demise; it was only made weaker by being so protected.
I used to think people didn't like me, and sure some don't, and I also used to think I was a bother and a bore to most (also sure to some, but not all) but then I realized EVERYONE thinks this, at least to some degree. And yes, this is where we all have that tendency to go, "oh woe is me."..blah blah blahdy blah. But truly, the right people will come at the right time and they will like you, despite all of your insecurities. Like whoa, I know right? This is really rocket-sciency-type-stuff I know, so just try to stay with me.
See, the self-esteem I speak of, that's Satan's territory really. Which this world is moving closer and closer to. He wanted the plan to be a bounce-back ticket into heaven with no agency. Sounds awesome right? But what would be the point? Instead, we needed the opportunity to make mistakes, learn from them, and progress towards perfection. (See the plan of happiness --this is what I believe) Think about it, would we want heart surgery performed on us by someone who made it through medical school not from grades and merit, by by praise and fear that they wouldn't be able to handle failing? Extreme I know, but how far would people be willing to let things go? The plan of happiness is really what it is all about. Life does suck sometimes, but that's not all. We carry on, we keep trying, we learn from our mistakes. (and I somehow quit getting annoyed by this epidemic of attention-starved lunatics)
one of my favorite poems:
WILDFLOWERS AND HOTHOUSE-PLANTS
by: Henrik Ibsen
- "
OOD Heavens, man, what a freak of taste! - What blindness to form and feature!
- The girl's no beauty, and might be placed
- As a hoydenish kind of creature."
- No doubt it were more in the current tone
- And the tide today we move in,
- If I could but choose me to make my own
- A type of our average woman.
- Like winter blossoms they all unfold
- Their primly maturing glory;
- Like pot-grown plants in the tepid mould
- Of a window conservatory.
- They sleep by rule and by rule they wake,
- Each tendril is taught its duties;
- Were I worldly-wise, yes, my choice I'd make
- From our stock of average beauties.
- For worldly wisdom what do I care?
- I am sick of its prating mummers;
- She breathes of the field and the open air,
- And the fragrance of sixteen summers.
