blessed is the man who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact....oops

Someone mentioned complacency in church the other day.  It started a string of thoughts, and as I have come to realize, my thoughts are usually only coherent to myself.  Anyhow, I got thinking about how easy it is to become complacent.  That thought really became clear when I put my retainer in for the first time in...oh I don't know.. a month? Not only could I not speak well, but OUCH! In short, I have had good intentions this last month and a half or so but in all honesty, complacency has started to set in. BAD! Despite the fact that I have had absolutely no social life since moving in with my parents again, I have not taken much notice to my utter lack of friends. In some ways it has been more motivating in more personal aspects of my life, and for that I am grateful.

I attended a singles ward again in a small attempt to make some friends again. So far so good.  One thing I wish I could chang * (*community reference) however is the fact that I often say too much in lieu of leaving an air of mystery about myself, which then later leaves me to ruminate upon my prior conversations with each thought becoming more critical of myself than the prior; eventually leading me to the conclusion that I am nothing short of an idiot.  Which really I know that to be mostly untrue.  This is something I want to work on more.  It's like climbing a sand dune; progress is difficult, and it is not always maintained (and somehow when I am with people from my past, I am right back at the bottom).  I have a vague notion that I am not the only one who this ever happens to, so that brings some comfort, but I guess my lifelong quest to strengthen my self-confidence is, of course, not complete.  Luckily I don't feel this way around everyone, mostly my 'cohort' (singles who are roughly my age) which I have a sneaking suspicion the underlying cause is somewhere around the idea that got placed in my brain that I am an awful flirt (awful flirt as in saying things of a totally strange an irrelevant nature like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjowbdkp0fk).  But beauty is in imperfection and 'awkwardness' I just need to start believing that more I suppose.

Is it really strange that when trying to talk to the guy I sort of have a crush on, I somehow ended up talking to his mom and dad instead?