Dissociation

I dont know if I will be back in the day when I was in the hospital haha I will probably transfer to a new job haha the gym and the gym is so crowded sometimes the room is a very nice and clean up the good news is that the world is ending. .....  I just clicked the top row of prediction words on my keyboard. It's actually rather telling. This is your subconscious dissociative nightmare.

paradoxically trapped between ignorant numbness and apathetic bliss. It's like walking in a dream, but not a pleasant one. This is a dream where you can see yourself in the distance, drifting along dusty desert landscapes made interesting only by the lengthening shadows of the encroaching twilight. Only once in a while a snake or something of the sort, or perhaps just a shadow, hijacks your amygdala. Panic rises and falls again. Then resume wandering. Listless. Lethargic. Amnesiac.

There are people there but you don't really see them or remember them. Like trying to read a page on the verge of sleep. Eyes can't focus. Disconnected. I'M THE THE PERSON WHO IS A GREAT FRIEND AND SERVES OTHERS TO KNOW ABOUT THE SWINE FLU LIKE THAT AND THE OTHER HAND I AM MOVING FROM THE SINGLES WARD THIS WEEK AGAIN. it's your subconscious screaming at you from the void.
The doctors told you that you were your mind but I disagree. Your mind is a machine evolved to connect words. To connect anything. It wants to prove itself, but it's a paradox. A thinking box. Building blocks.

An elastic snaps against your wrist. A friend offers to smack you in the face. You laugh and joke and cry but those are merely bodily reflexes at this point, akin to a cough or sneeze.

The mind is a paradox. It talks and it talks.

..... Rough draft.  Just toying with new style about what I've been feeling lately.