La-di-da

No So.... I am realizing that everything I learn, well not everything, but a lot of things - is through the opposite of what I thought. But it is helping me to realize who I really am.

Something that I thought was right but turned out wrong. It made me lose faith in myself for a while but now I am realizing that it is important to go through things like that to realize how to stand on your own, what your own weaknesses are.

A lot of things lately feel like self fulfilling prophecies. Everyone else (doctors and counselors)  was telling me how I feel and I was believing and feeling so confused and not even knowing what I felt anymore. Though they will probably just tell me I am in denial... I'm kind of losing faith in doctors to be honest because, um these medications are making me have breakdowns every single day.

Basically I am Cameron Fry from Ferris Buehler's day off without the swearing.
Look it up on YouTube if you need a refresher.

My dad kept texting me to go on a hike today. I was laying in bed fighting it. I didn't want to get out of bed. I think I even told him that I thought I was dying. My brain felt like it was the ball in a pinball machine.

I finally went though. It was nothing short of exactly what I needed.

Okay let's be honest. There has been swearing.

But it has made me realize that I can trust myself and my own instincts if I listen hard enough.

Also the spirit.

 

You can't wait to live until you feel better, you will start feeling better once you start living.