All that you wanted was a good man

Alright. It's the same story as always, but I'm bored.  Bored of the same stories, people, places.  Losing focus and forgetting to live in the moment.  Wishing for more or different.  Trying to fill an ache of something missing, when deep down you know what you're really missing-you just don't want to vocalize it for fear of sounding cliche or, dare I say, desperate. 

My personal 'battlefield'
I thought I had been defeated, a failure.  Beaten down, crushed, hopeless.  It was everything I needed, but how and why?  I always come back to the same line in Mosiah: "man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." Rather than wondering why, it is more about faith and learning to trust.  Trust in timing and healing among other things.  Learning to trust yourself too certainly helps. 

They say (who are 'they' anyway?) that you attract your emotional equal, which is probably why I haven't been satisfied long-term with any of my dating prospects thus far, because I am not satisfied or comfortable with my emotional maturity to this point.  I thought going on a mission would cure that for some reason, like I would become who I needed to be right away.  Then I got sick and could only see the worst parts.  But I am not the same person I was.